Hello my thinking – negatively time

I just said, “I quit.”
I quit what?  I dunno.

I just feel like I can’t ever find a way to stay happy.
I guess I am very good at finding reasons not to be happy.

See, I should just go with the flow,
And am not supposed to think about things.
Like when you are dancing to the music at the club or bar.

But I can’t even do that.
I can’t even try to enjoy dancing when someone I love asks me to dance with him.

Sad, isn’t it…?

oh, I also said, “I should not be in anybody’s life”

Too much? Maybe so.
But I just keep feeling that I am messing up other people’s happiness too.
I certainly did tonight.

Hello thinking-negatively time.
I’ve seen you so many times lately.
When will I get to say goodbye to you….?

“What do you fear?”

“What do you fear?”

This was the question that stopped me for a while yesterday.

I didn’t know how to answer for that question, and I still don’t know how to answer to it.
I guess it’s because I have not really thought about what I fear until now.

When you do something that nobody or not many people have done before you do,
there is no guideline and there is no understandings from other people.

I guess I fear that people will never understand what I am trying to show and express.
and then, I stopped….

What am I trying to show…?

It struck me.  How am I going to move forward strongly if I don’t know that.

Oftentimes, answers for these simple questions are needed to break the shell and see the new sky.
Hopefully, the day is coming for me soon.

The importance of talking

I was reminded a few days ago that I am not good at telling anybody about who I am.
well… maybe more like I am not good at talking about my problems and at asking for help.

I tend to think that I should be strong and deal with my problems by myself.
But at the same time, once I start thinking about the problems, I think too much and don’t take actions to actually start solving them.

I get so quiet.
I get so irritated.

Then I say something that I don’t mean to say to somebody I love.

I am really thankful that I have somebody who is willing to just listen… or who WANTS to listen to me complaining.
As soon as I actually start talking about my problems, I feel my stress getting smaller.

I do hope that I won’t hold back whatever bothers me and will be able to communicate with my friends, bf, and family better.

I’m in the process, too

When I talked about what I said in the last blog post (about how we should have a right to choose whatever makes us happy for our lives) on Facebook,
one of my friend left a comment saying that as long as we are talking about this or actually mentioning about this,
we are still in process of realizing it and becoming a person who can actually make decisions for OURSELVES without being concerned about what other people think.

I wrote her back,
“Well, of course I am in the process, too.  And I am happy about it, because at least I know what I want to be and am expressing it,
and I am trying to become a better me.  At least, I know that I am moving forward.”

I can’t change myself instantly of course, and I often feel that I am staying at one place too long and tired of it.
But surely, something must be changing inside of me every day. Every moment.

So, I am in the process…. to become a better me always.

Choice for My Life

After several days of thinking,
I’ve come to the conclusion that we all should have a right to choose.

It’s YOUR life and YOU are the one who chooses whatever makes you happy for your life.

You can listen to other people’s opinions, but oftentimes, they make you confused about what you really want.
Listen to them, but think about them before saying “Ok, I will follow your advice” in order to figure out if they are really for your own good or they are just trying to control your mind.

I choose to be someone who strive to be the best for MYSELF and for MY life.

I am really tired of people who act like they are my friends and tell me what to do because they CARE about me.
But usually, they just want to tell me what THEY think what’s best for me.

Well…. what do they know about me…?
How much do they know what I really want for my life…?

Frankly saying, they don’t know anything.

So, you think that if I follow YOUR advice, I would make ME happy.
Fine, but what I think is that if I follow YOUR advice, that would only make YOU happy.

It’s kind of sad that people I thought that they are real friends to me have been acting like
it’s their job to LEAD me to a RIGHT way or something like that.

But please mind your own business.
Don’t worry. I got this.
I need to, well, I should be the one who controls my life and I will.

It’s been the summer filled with learning for sure.

But it’s a good thing
because I’m learning to choose to be happy for myself.