Bad cycle

When did I become a person with negative mind…?

It seems like having negative thoughts have caused me so much pain lately.
Yes, I have acknowledged that I have negative thoughts.  But why can’t I solve the problem if I know the cause?

Well… simply… it is not easy.

I am kind of person who thinks too much in the first place.
I’ve read an article about how to stay positive, and one of the things they recommend is not to dwell in the negative thought.
They say “Just focus on the tasks you really need to take care of at this moment.”  well… easier said than done, really.

Lately, most of the time, I feel like I don’t have anything to look forward to.
My bf wants to spend time alone because it seems like he believes that I am preventing him from achieving spiritual fulfillment in his life.  How sad is that….?
So I don’t look forward to talking with him.  I don’t look forward to reading what he says on facebook.

I don’t look forward to sitting down at the table, opening the books that I need to read for study, and taking notes.
I don’t feel that this is what I want to do. But at the same time, I feel that I should finish whatever I started.
My mind doesn’t stay on the pages.  It just goes to the dark room in my head filled with negative and angry thoughts.

This bad cycle is killing me.

I guess I should start taking actions to go back to a positive me.