Do not avoid feeling your feelings

I had another big fight with my boyfriend the other day.
After yelling at him for some time, he told me this:

“You are afraid of having feelings.
It is easier to get mad and upset than dealing with the feelings.
You just have feelings.  You should not avoid feeling them.
Say what you are feeling.  Do not avoid facing them by getting angry and yelling at me.”

That struck me really good.

I couldn’t say anything back to him.
I just sat on the floor and thought about what he said.

The reason why I got upset this time is that I felt uncomfortable with not being about to express what I want.
He just told me to go to sleep, and he was doing some research on his laptop as usual.
I was laying down next to him, and I don’t know why, but I felt so angry.

So I just jumped off from the bed.

Then yelling started.

Of course I don’t like yelling at him.  I don’t like having arguments.
But this time, I really felt like I gotta fix this.

I still don’t know what “dealing with feelings” mean clearly.
I feel my feelings, but I don’t know how to deal with them.

But I will try to communicate my feelings with him better.
I will practice expressing what I want better.

Still lots to learn, I guess.

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