Live in the moment

I came across this quote today.

“Throw away all ambition beyond that of doing the day’s work well.  The travelers on the road to success live in the present, heedless of taking thought for the morrow.  Live neither in the past nor in the future, but let each day’s work absorb your entire energies.”

William Osler

Come to think of it, a lot of amount of my day is spent by thinking about what happened yesterday and wondering “what if” for tomorrow.

I have started to feel that it’s such a waste of time and energy.

“What can I do NOW?” is the question I didn’t think about much before,
but it really gives me a different perspective.

My bf is also the one who made me think about the similar key to live the life.
He has been on the road with his motorcycle for about a week right now, and he has enjoyed the beautiful nature outside.
Although he has a lot of things to think about and figure out for the future, I believe that it is important for him not to forget to live for the moment, too.

I don’t want to say/think that I am gonna pay for this if I live for the moment without thinking about what I am supposed to be doing now.
If you feel like you are ALWAYS trying to meet other people’s expectations towards your work,
you gonna get exhausted and lose your energy and motivation.

So I will refuse to do that.  At least while I can….. lol

Ok, let’s try to live in the moment today.  Will you join me?


Small Starts

I read something like this in one of the blog post I came across yesterday.

“Actually getting started is the hardest part.”

I do agree with it, and yes, it is so hard for me to start something I don’t like.

It’s hard to get up from the bed and start the day.
It’s hard to just open the book that I need to read.
It’s hard to open the word file on my computer and start typing.

Everyday is filled with small starts.  and I am the one who must start these things.

So far….
I did get up from the bed even though I stayed in the bed until near noon.
I have not opened the books yet, but I decided to open the laptop and try other things that I can do academically.

so…. yup, it’s better than nothing, right?

I do believe that change won’t come in one day.
I do believe that it will take time for me to be confident about myself.

So today is another start for me to get closer to what I want to be.  Little by little.

Ok, let’s start another small step to what I need to make a progress on…..


ok… I feel a little bit better.

Crying is good.  I feel a little bit better.
Being honest with my feeling is good.  I feel a little bit better.

I never thought that being me hurts this much.  Or I should say that I never thought that pretending that I am ok hurts this much.

I admit that I tend to avoid facing the reality.  I admit that I tend to avoid considering what the causes of the issues are.
I admit that I tend to avoid thinking about what “I” want.  I admit that I tend to avoid the things I don’t like to do.

So, here I am.  Facing the time of trials.

It’s not really anybody’s fault, but mine.  Well, at some point in my life (I don’t know when it was), I must have felt that it is comfortable to do these things that I tend to avoid.

I know that I don’t need to be perfect. Nobody is perfect.
It’s just that I grew up in the environment where everybody think that I am the smart one and I can do anything.
So it’s just hard for me to experience the struggle ALL THE TIME in my life right now.

Yup. It’s an excuse again…. blaming “the environment” for my failure.

I have heard/read that if I can change myself, the environment doesn’t matter.
If I choose to be happy, I can be happy.
If I choose to be upset about everything, the life stays bad.

I wish that it is easy for me to choose to be happy or think positively.
I thought that trying to get some helps from other people could be the first step, but I can’t feel that things are getting better.

But yeah, it is true that things won’t change at once.  It takes time to see real change and I am the one who should be constantly trying to make things better.

My brain just stops when I feel like I need to sound smart.
I felt so overwhelmed among the people who seem like they love studying and know everything.
I know I know… they say “oh there’s no way that I know EVERYTHING.”  right… but you know better than me.

How can I overcome this “being-not-confident” thing?
How can I love myself more?
How can I be confident enough to say “YES! I AM DOING WHAT I LOVE TO DO!” (well… first of all, I do feel that I am not doing what I love to do…. lol)

I guess I should try to see if I can feel that what I am studying is FOR MYSELF.
I should try to see if I can feel like I am not doing this to prove something to other people.

I should try to see if I can focus more on myself and if I can improve MYSELF little by little each day.

ok…. I feel a little bit better.